Brutus and Rocky patiently wait for the ‘cake’ for Rocky’s 10th birthday

(Photograph by Samantha Rose)

It was the morning of Rocky’s 10th birthday and Rocky well and truly had his ‘grump on’. He does this every year and complains that none of his friends send him birthday cards, I purposely remind him that he doesn’t have many friends as he has insulted or barked at them. That was until he met the Iggies – especially Pippin and Bronte.

‘Do you know what day it is?’ Rocky asked Brutus.

Without looking up, Brutus continued to read his newspaper – except that he can’t read because he is dyslexic, but he does enjoy looking at the pictures instead while shaking his head at frequent intervals to make Rocky believe that he can understand them.

‘I said do you know what day it is today?’ Rocky repeated in a louder voice.

Shaking his newspaper and peeking over the top, Brutus muttered ‘It’s Friday’. Nothing more was said and Rocky was left bristling with hurt and anger that Brutus was not engaging in him.

‘I’ll tell you what day it is….’ Kevin the kitten shouted from his bed.

Rocky sighed impatiently ‘Go on, surprise me!’

‘It’s a day for wall climbing!’ Kev laughed and then did a bit of his ‘Kitten Parkour’ and took a leap up the wall before walking off and giving Rocky a good eyeful of his ‘floofy’ tail and ginger pantaloons.

Too much disrespect from Kevin the ‘floof’

(Photograph by Samantha Rose)

‘Bastards, nobody cares, how can there be so much disrespect in one house?’ Rocky growled to himself and limped off towards his bed. His hips were so sore in the damp weather, comes with old age I guess.

Later on

Rocky was slamming around in the kitchen doing the typical making as much noise as possible to get attention and then saying ‘Nothing!’ when Brutus asked what was wrong.

‘If you can’t remember what day it is then I can’t be bothered to tell you!’ Rocky barked at Brutus. Brutus remained calm which was surprising for him as when Rocky shouts at him he usually cries like a baby because he hates being shouted at.

Brutus shrugged ‘I can’t help it if I don’t know, I am not a mind reader’.

Kevin the kitten was busy washing his anus and trying to tidy up his floof (all long haired cats have a ‘floof’ although I don’t quite know what a floof is, I think it just describes their fluffiness).

Feeling decidedly unloved, Rocky stiffly walked into the garden and tried to cock his leg on the plant pot to take a piss but nearly fell over in the process. This old age was a bastard and Rocky was beginning to think that nobody loves you when you get old.

Suddenly Brutus’s mobile phone rang, grabbing it he whispered ‘Hi Pippin, yes I can talk…..’

Rocky was busy marking his territory, he did that every day until he ran out of urine and was forced to do invisible pees up everything and on everything. Invisible pees are highly important to any dog, they don’t know they are invisible – it’s only us humans that get hung up on such matters.

‘Bastards, I hate everyone!’ Rocky sighed and kicked up some soil which hit the fence and made someones dog bark. ‘And you can be quiet as well!’ Rocky growled back and climbed into his kennel. Resting his head on his front paws, he gave a couple of sighs and fell asleep next to his beloved tennis ball.

Two hours later Rocky heard Brutus’s deep voice shouting his name from the living room asking him to come inside.

‘What now? What is the matter? Can’t a dog get some peace and quiet!’ Rocky shouted.

Grumbling under his breath, Rocky slowly walked into the house where Brutus and Kev were waiting for him.

He barely got the chance to open his mouth when he spotted Pippin the Italian greyhound plus the other Iggies Rocco, Gigi, Nica, Zara, Bronte, Dash and Vader the boxer in the living room.

Nothing like good friends to make a birthday special

(Photograph by Samantha Rose)

‘Surprise! Happy birthday Rocky!’ Shouted the Iggies in their high pitched voices sounding as though they had taken in vast amounts of helium. Each Iggy held a part of a huge banner with ‘Happy 10th Birthday’ written on it.

Brutus stood next to Rocco and in front of Vader, Kevin was sitting on top of the fridge with his own banner saying ‘Bollocks’, but please don’t be offended at that because Kevin like my old cat Gordon, is a potty mouth and prone to these outbursts.

Kevin makes most of his judgements from the top of the fridge

(Photograph by Samantha Rose)

Rocky didn’t know whether to laugh, cry or shout ‘bastard’ – we all know what a grumpy bugger he is and he still hadn’t forgiven Rocco and Brutus for was now known as the ‘wheelchair incident’ with the boy band – and if you want to read about that story then you will have to buy my book Planet Iggy as that particular story is in there along with others detailing their adventures.

Rocky stared at the group of pointy snouts smiling back at him. Their little ears sticking out like bicycle handlebars, the Iggies waited nervously for Rocky to say something.

Vader the boxer had drool hanging from his mouth in festoons, his oversized tongue flopped out of his mouth like a Christmas ham as he sat there doing the odd nervous fart and receiving dirty looks from Gigi, Bronte and Nica.

Brutus was wagging his tail so hard that he smacked Rocco round the face. Rocco thinking it was his invisible friend that attacked him, started to bite his own legs and made himself cry.

Rocky felt a pang of guilt as he hadn’t seen his friends in ages, but there they were, proudly standing there in his own house for his 10th birthday.

‘Don’t just say something, have a drink!’ Brutus barked and handed Rocky a can of dog beer.

‘Happy birthday old chap!’ Pippin nodded at Rocky and handed him a large card with some sheep on the front and a red cloud kelpie. ‘Sorry we couldn’t find one with a black kelpie on it’ Pippin added and pointed to the card.

Rocky couldn’t trust himself to speak. His paws shook as he opened the card to see what was written on it.

‘Happy birthday my friend – Love Pippin Potter’
‘Happy birthday old chap – from Dash’
‘Happy birthday Rockstar – from Zara’
‘Happy birthday to my favourite kelpie – love Nica’
‘Happy birthday old boy – Love Gigi’
‘To my oldest and only friend and farting partner – Love Vader’
‘Happy birthday gorgeous – Lots of love Bronte’
‘Old bastard – Love Rocco’
‘Happy birthday you ginger kittens plaything – Kevin’

The final signature on the card was barely legible and simply read ‘Hapy birfday Rockee, Luv Bwutas’ and was signed with a huge paw print dipped in chicken gravy.

Rocky read each and every signature several times over. He had been quite upset at reaching 10 years old, knowing that his once jet black face was now covered in grey, his eyes opaque and cloudy from age and more worrying, he had started to have an old dogs bum where his anus looked like a smashed peach (I am not kidding either). He had also been worried about not keeping up with Brutus in the garden, although he could still dig a big hole in less than 10 minutes which is something to be proud of in the kelpie world.

Not trusting himself to speak, he took a swig of his dog beer as he tried to compose himself.

‘Do you like your card Rocky?’ Pippin asked him.

Rocky looked at Pippin and nodded vigorously, then wiping the beer froth from his snout, he said ‘I love it, and thank you’.

‘You know I wrote my own message in the card – with a bit of help from Bronte of course’ Brutus whispered to Rocky.

‘I know you did and it’s just perfect’ Rocky nudged Brutus on the ribs.

‘You will always be my big brother and I will always need you for guidance’ Brutus said to Rocky.

‘Do you mean that?’ Rocky bit his lip.

‘Of course, how else am I meant to learn?’ Brutus shrugged.

Wiping his eyes, Rocky caught Pippin looking at him.

‘Allergies, terrible allergies’, Rocky said to Pippin.

‘Yeah, we all get those from time to time don’t we old boy!’ Pippin handed Rocky his handkerchief to dab his eyes.

‘Let’s put some music on!’ Zara squeaked.

‘Oh god no’ Nica shook her head and muttered to Gigi about ‘the youth of today’ and couldn’t they listen to some Italian Opera or something.

As ‘Who let the dogs out’ blasted out from the stereo, the gang raised their cans of dog beer to do a toast to their elderly grumpy kelpie friend. Well Kevin didn’t raise a can as he doesn’t drink dog beer, but he did sneak in a drink of milk when nobody was looking.

Happy birthday Rocky

(Photograph by Samantha Rose)

Birthdays – you are never too old to celebrate them, just ask Rocky.

The End.

*This is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and situations within its pages and places or persons, living or dead, is unintentional and coincidental – except for my own animals and we all know that they can talk*

Samantha Rose – Copyright (C) June 2018