THE NIGHT BEFORE SCHOOL
Brutus – looking forward to puppy school!
‘I can’t find my school bag, Mum, where is my school bag?’ Brutus shrieked in a panic.
Rocky was lying on his bed rolling his eyes at Gordon, he could afford to be confident you see as he had done puppy school himself back in 2010, although he started it later than Brutus, much later in fact and was one of the oldest dogs there but he still did his time, excluding the fact he missed two lessons due to his hip dysplasia.
Gordon was on his favourite chair smoking a rolled up catnip cigarette and blowing smoke from his nostrils – it came out in strange shapes and that never fails to amuse me.
‘Don’t forget to do a turd by the big tree where all the dogs meet and if you sniff round all the bags, you might find something tasty’ Rocky said, Gordon sniggered as he exhaled on his fag and then flicked ash on to the chair and rubbed it in with his paw, making it go all grey.
‘Do a crap by the tree? But I always crap in the garden at home?’ Brutus said, looking a touch anxious.
‘Right, that is your bag packed for tomorrow – vaccination certificate, your homework sheets, I have researched about your breeding – Rhodesian Ridgeback and of course I know about kelpies, a water bowl, bottle of water, poo bags and your breakfast puppy meal allocation for treats and rewards’ I said firmly and then added ‘And no, you do not take a shit by the tree or steal food from other dogs school bags’. Glaring at Rocky as I said it.
I had planned to buy tasty meaty treats for Brutus tomorrow but the vet said due to Brutus being prone to colitis, he has to stick rigidly to his own diet and a measured amount of it and so far, it seems to be working.
Actually talking of vets, Brutus and Rocky were at the vet tonight, Rocky had his hip injection and Brutus came along for the ride. Rocky adores going to our vet and dragged me across the car park so he could say hello to his nurses and the vet, Brutus decided that he too liked going to the vet and assisted in helping Rocky drag me to the door.
‘You are a bit keen aren’t you?’ A chunky chocolate Labrador shouted as he waited by the gate.
‘Cuddles from the nurses’ Rocky replied simply and told Brutus to get a move on.
The Labrador nodded in recognition but then told Rocky that he hoped it was worth it because he had just had a finger up his arse to empty his anal glands and even the liver treats afterwards were a poor consolation prize although being a Labrador, there was very little if anything that he wouldn’t eat – anal glands or not.
‘Hi girls, I am here, how have you been – it’s been too long, you never phone, we never catch up!’ Rocky said in a breathless voice as he greeted his favourite nurse. Checking him in at reception, I took both the boys to the scales where Rocky weighed in at 20.7kgs – he had lost a bit of weight but the vet said he is in rude health. He has also gained muscle tone and condition overall due to the fact he is constantly playing with Brutus.
Brutus surprised me, he didn’t weigh nearly as much as I had thought, 17.7kgs, I thought he was at least 20kgs, but the vet assured me that he is the perfect weight. So I guess I was making him fat before as I wasn’t sure how much he was supposed to weigh, still I/We are on a learning curve.
Rocky had his hip injection and Brutus had a check over and the vet said Brutus has a lovely temperament and is so trusting, Rocky had already advised Brutus which nurses to flirt with and how to wash the vets neck and Brutus now agrees with Rocky that the vets is a very nice place to be indeed – until you get a finger up your arse of course which Rocky does frequently and the look on his face is priceless because I swear that he blushes.
Rocky claims he needs counselling for dog abuse each time he has his anal glands emptying and Gordon didn’t help by buying him the ‘Brokeback Mountain’ DVD but that is another story and a rather adult one at that.
Anyway, back to tonight – everything is packed and I had just put the dogs to bed, telling Brutus that he had to get some sleep as we have to be at puppy group for 9am.
‘Don’t forget to write a note with ‘turd legs’ and stick it on the teachers back’ Rocky said to Brutus.
(sniggering from Gordon)
‘Mum’ Brutus shouted while I was in the kitchen.
‘Yes Brutus’ I replied
‘Will they teach me how to be a good boy, Rocky said that is impossible’
‘You are already a good boy Brutus, they will just teach you other nice and fun stuff’ I reassured him. I could just see the black tufts above his eyes as he snuggled down into his crate – he looked so cute.
‘They are going to steal your anal glands’ Gordon shouted from the dining area.
‘Mum, are they going to steal my anal glands’ Brutus cried.
(Rocky snorting with laughter)
‘No Brutus, they won’t go near your anal glands’ I told him.
‘Mum, will the other dogs bash me up?’ Brutus asked – god he was being persistent.
‘No Brutus, they won’t bash you up, you will make friends, learn manners and get treats for doing it’ I told him.
‘Mum’ Brutus said in a quiet voice.
‘Yes Brutus’ I said while making a drink.
‘Is my bag packed’ The little dog asked desperately.
‘Yes Brutus, your bag is packed’.
‘Brutus’ Rocky said in a tired voice.
‘Yes Rocky’ Brutus lifted his head up and looked at Rocky who was snuggled up on his bed.
‘Shut the fuck up’ Rocky laughed and winked affectionately at the fractious puppy.
‘Goodnight Mum’ Brutus yelled and put his head down.
‘Night Brutus’ I replied to him.
‘Night Mum’ Rocky said – that was unusual for him, he normally crashes and falls asleep at night.
‘Night Rocky’ I laughed.
‘Goodnight Gordon’ Brutus shouted to the fat ginger Tom on who was now sitting on the dining room table.
‘What are we, the fucking Waltons?’ Gordon piped up.
‘Language Gordon, language’ I burst out laughing – honestly it was so funny, you should have been there – Gordon swears in a ginger voice and if you don’t know what I mean by that and you have a ginger cat, go and piss him off and you will find out for yourself that all cats have their own voices, especially gingers.
And that my dears, is that – it is now 12.35am, I really ought to get to sleep as I have a rather over excited pup to take to dog school.
Have a nice weekend everyone.
Samantha Rose (C) Copyright May 2013