Pippin Pringle – The Organiser
(Photography by Samantha Rose)
At the Pringle Headquarters
You all know the drill – it was the night before lure coursing and Pippin Pringle was doing his usual organising of what was to be expected on the biggest night of all self respecting lure coursers agenda’
‘No Bronte, you cannot possibly wear that dress as it is far too short!’ Pippin said firmly to his sister Bronte who was wearing a dress so short that you could see her knickers (had she been wearing them).
(Photography by Samantha Rose)
Straining to look at her bottom in the mirror, Bronte gave a haughty to look Pippin and then carried on admiring her bum causing Pippin to roll his eyes impatiently. He had so much to do before tomorrow, things like make lists and stuff and organising the Iggy meeting where no doubt Rocco, Bentley, Fat Harry and the gang would cause a scene of some sort involving Rocco’s invisible friends to fight with.
(Pippin’s phone rings)
‘Hello, Pippin Pringle here’ Pippin said in his posh voice that he does so well, you know a ‘telephone voice’ that we all adopt when we answer our phone in the hope that someone says ‘Aren’t you posh’.
‘What did you say? James? Are you sure?, Well this changes everything – no, don’t worry, I shall tell them tomorrow’. Pippin said quietly while staring at Bronte who without a care in the world was now kissing her own reflection in the mirror and telling herself how hot she was.
‘What’s up bro?’ Bronte giggled to Pippin and just as she was about to give her brother a playful poke, she saw his face and thought better of it.
‘James the mini wired Dachshund tragically crossed over to Rainbow Bridge – I have only just been notified’ Pippin said sadly. Being ‘The Organiser’ of his little group, it was down to him to break the news.
‘James has gone over to Rainbow Bridge? Are you sure?’ Bronte’s voice faltered as she fought to stop herself from crying.
That was the thing you see, when any of their lure coursing pals went over to Rainbow Bridge it was always sad, well not for the dogs that have crossed over because Rainbow Bridge is a lovely place but sad for the loved ones that have been left behind to miss them and mourn their empty bed.
‘Yes I am afraid so, a feisty little dog as well who will no doubt be keeping them on their toes up there but it does mean that Kim and Ian his parents will need special hugs and dog licks tomorrow at lure coursing’ said Pippin firmly.
‘If Brutus and Vader lick them then that will be more of a bath than a lick don’t you think?’ Bronte asked Pippin who looked somewhat alarmed at the suggestion because it was so accurate.
‘Yes, but she does have Eugene and the rest of the ‘Cloth dogs’ (Afghans) and remember when one escaped the barrier at lure coursing and rolled in horse shit? Well I am sure they are ‘hard core’ and familiar with all things like that’ Pippin barked his response.
‘What do we do Pippin? You always know what to do, What do we do?’ Bronte asked her brother.
‘That is easy Bronte, we race for a reason and tomorrow’s reason is James’ Pippin said confidently.
These dogs do not often race for a reason, in fact the last time they raced for a reason was for a beautiful staffie so this time they will be doing it for James.
Race for a reason – James the mini wired Dachshund
(Photography by Kim Ian Cross)
Because racing for a reason means that each dog is released to catch the lure and their purpose is to celebrate the canine friend that has crossed to Rainbow Bridge to honour them.
Brutus – the energetic lure courser with his new Julia Gillard doll
(Photography by Samantha Rose)
‘What does wait and see mean?’ Brutus sobbed loudly to me as I tried to ignore his pleading eyes.
‘It means providing that you can keep your dinner down and stop farting like a shit machine, that you can go to lure coursing tomorrow’ I replied.
Brutus being Brutus had eaten some kind of crap in the garden and having a sensitive stomach, it had inflamed his tummy and caused him to vomit up the copious amounts of grass that he had eaten and also fart like a guffing truck.
Totally refusing all food, he was also accusing his own bottom of assaulting him because he farted so loudly that he stared at his anus for a bit and then went ‘full Pringle’ and burst into tears.
*Full Pringle is to do what Pippin does when he can’t get his own way and that is to burst in to tears*
‘But I want to go to lure coursing with Vader!’ Brutus broke out into noisy sobs which of course put pressure on his stomach and he farted in between each word.
‘Let’s see how you go Brutus’ I tried to sooth him but it was no good, he had got into more states than Australia and was now walking around the living room with Rocky’s gingerbread man tightly gripped in his mouth as he tried to plonk the soggy wet toy on both my husband and myself to try and prove a point.
‘You are such a girl’ Rocky sneered, secretly jealous that Brutus got to go lure coursing and he didn’t.
Rocky on holiday on the farm in Denmark
(Photography by Samantha Rose)
Brutus walked aimlessly around the living room for a few minutes, contemplating that his entire world would end if he could not go lure coursing.
Already deciding he would go on a hunger strike once his appetite came back, he would also do a dirty protest and crap on the floor like prisoners did in their cells. But hold on a minute, Brutus has done dirty protests before so let’s not go there.
Planet Iggy – Zara and Nica’s house
‘I am so excited I might be sick’ Zara squealed happily. It was to be her first lure coursing event and she had already packed some cycling shorts and several hats.
‘Nica, what are you trying to do?’ Zara asked her sister who had her back facing her.
‘I am practising my vomiting techniques for when people ignore me and thought that if I made more noises when vomiting, then I could also throw in a fainting episode’ Nica growled.
Raising her eyebrows, Zara grinned ‘That should work but it might be better to pretend that you are lame as well’.
Nica who SO did not ‘do’ lame, looked horrified, ‘I shall stick to what I do best and that is vomiting’.
‘Your loss but I think it would be far better if you had a walking stick as well’ Zara shrugged her shoulders.
‘What would you know, you are only a puppy’ Nica snapped and then did the new vomiting sound that she had perfected that made her sound like Kylie Minogue on helium.
Vader and Tess’s house
Vader – tongue firmly inside mouth (for now)
(Photography by Samantha Rose)
Lure coursing was very nearly a non-event for Vader when he had a bit of an accident involving a tongue and a tuna can and as you all know, he has a substantial tongue to have an incident with and he is still very embarrassed about it.
I cannot go in to too much detail other than that he ran up to Lexie shouting ‘Mum! My tongue, save my tongue!’ in a special lick-the-kennel-windows kind of way, except that he couldn’t lick the windows because his tongue was too busy being tangled in the open lid of the tuna can.
‘Oh Vader what have you done’ Lexie sighed. Honestly this boy was at the vets far too often for her liking.
‘My tongue is caught’ Vader sobbed as Lexie spotted his tongue caught in the tuna lid and yes, there was a fair amount of blood to go with it.
Saving Vader and his tongue and freeing him from the tuna can, Lexie gave him first aid and sent to his bed to feel very sorry for himself while Tess laughed at him and made jokes about his tongue now being served in cans in the supermarket.
Fast forward to now and Vader is fit and well for lure coursing and has been making himself ‘match fit’ by doing squats and press ups in the garden and also jogging round in circles.
‘Can you please stop, I am so tired’ Tess sighed as Vader managed to do one sit-up and then insist on a rest.
‘I can’t stop, I am racing tomorrow’ Vader puffed and then managed another sit-up before falling over and lying on his back forcing him to admire the cloud formation in the sky.
‘I can’t wait to see Brutus’ Vader said happily.
‘You two are such girls’ Tess laughed, ‘I am going in to lie on my bed’ and with that she shuffled off like an old lady towards the house.
‘Brutus, are you there?’ Vader shouted at the fence.
(sounds of fence snuffling)
‘Yes, I am here! Are you excited for tomorrow?’ Brutus barked excitedly.
‘Yes, so excited and I am doing vigorous exercises in the garden and have a body like a finely toned greyhound’ Vader said hopefully.
Trying to imagine Vader with a body like Mouse Norris, Brutus felt a bit nervous as he was not match-fit and had been rough housing with Rocky in the garden but that was about it really, aside from walks on the farm in Denmark on holiday a couple of weeks ago.
‘I am going to get the Good Boy Award tomorrow I am sure’ Brutus said to Vader.
The only two dogs I might add that actually believe The Good Boy Award exists are Vader and Brutus and every race meet, Brutus believes that the crowds are there to see him and if they cheer him on, he truly thinks that he has won The Good Boy Award.
And the only dog that really believes that Brutus has won it, is Vader who passionately supports his good friend and when Brutus thinks he has won it, Vader happily cries along side him because he is so happy for him.
‘You have won The Good Boy Award? Really?’ Vader barked and then mentally started to imagine the scene on the day so that he could cry for him.
‘Yes but I have had a bad tummy for eating stuff in the garden and Mum has said I have to be normal better by tonight or I can’t go’ Brutus said to Vader.
‘But you have to go, if they don’t let you then go on a hunger strike’ Vader growled to him.
‘I am already on one of those but I did manage some dog biscuit and tried to steal Mum’s lamb and veggies so I think I am feeling better’ Brutus sighed.
‘Good lad, right I had better go as Mum is calling me to lie on the sofa with her and Dad for a belly rub’ lied Vader who I might add really was lying because I know his Dad would not do that but it was enough to make Brutus jealous.
‘See you tomorrow!’ Brutus barked at Vader and then ran off towards the door and demanded to be let in.
‘Mum, Vader is going on his sofa for a belly rub, can I get on the sofa for a belly rub?’ Brutus insisted hopefully.
Letting him inside the house, Brutus jumped on the sofa and then displayed his belly for me to rub it. Only he is so big there was nowhere for me to sit so I relented and let him have the whole sofa and then moved to the chair that I am sitting in now so I could write this story.
‘Mum?’ Brutus asked me.
‘I have been told that I have won The Good Boy Award tomorrow’ Brutus said proudly.
Rocky did not even look up as he was used to this routine of The Good Boy Award now and knew it didn’t actually exist and to correct Brutus would break his heart.
‘You are a good boy Brutus’ I laughed at him.
‘I like The Good Boy Award, it makes me feel like Rumble the cop dog’ Brutus growled.
Rumble the cop dog is Brutus’s hero and Brutus has convinced himself that one day he too will be a cop dog just like Rumble which is probably why he thinks he has won a Good Boy Award each month at lure coursing, just so he can big up his ego.
‘Mum?’ Brutus asked again.
‘I hope I can remember how to run’ Brutus said sounding a bit worried.
Remembering how he crashed through the barriers because he couldn’t turn corners, I replied ‘So do I Brutus, so do I’.
For the benefit of those that do not know about Rainbow Bridge – feel free to read a blog post I did on it last year.
James the mini wire haired Dachshund sat comfortably from his chair at Rainbow Bridge and stared down at his parents Kim and Ian as they prepared their dogs for lure coursing tomorrow.
He felt somewhat sad that he wouldn’t be there to greet them when they got back but he also knew that they were OK about it, after all every dog that goes to Rainbow Bridge lives the life of a strong and healthy dog and isn’t that what counts?
‘How do you reckon our lot will do?’ Bowie the white greyhound asked James.
‘Probably jump the barrier and roll in horse shit like they normally do’ James grinned.
‘Bowie, is farting still allowed in Rainbow Bridge?’ James asked Bowie. Still being unsure of the rules, he thought it best to ask.
‘Farting?’ Bowie laughed and then added ‘Yep, louder the better and you won’t get told off for it either’.
‘Great’ James barked and then let out such a loud fart that several dogs stopped chasing butterflies and clapped in appreciation.
Rainbow Bridge – the rules are that there are no rules aside from laughter and that of course, is mandatory.
Until next time…
Dedicated to James – the mini wire haired Dachshund who is now bossing everyone around at Rainbow Bridge and farting with the best of them.
Samantha Rose (C) Copyright March 2015