The boys had a fine old time in the garden urinating on one another, sniffing each others bottoms, I heard sounds of growling and found Rocky on his back and Brutus ‘killing him’ and then the tables were turned when Rocky got Brutus’s entire head in his mouth and he was chowing down on him.
‘Rocky spit him out now!’ I yelled to him.
Rocky looked sheepish and spat a rather damp Brutus out, Brutus come running up to me wagging his super long tail which obviously gets in the way and then grabbed his tail and started chasing it like a special needs dog.
Telling him to stop chasing his tail as that is a rather bad habit for any dog to get in to, I distracted him with the canvas orange bone – big mistake, that is all I am saying – huge mistake!.
The evening went rather swimmingly as both dogs enjoyed burning off energy outside and it was lovely to watch them playing together and interacting, a bit like my very own wildlife show in my garden.
Fast forward to Abdel coming home from work. As it is getting cold at night, Brutus is not liking being outside. I thought of getting him a dog coat but he has threatened to shit on it, piss on it and failing that, eat it so that is out of the question.
Abdel was laughing at Brutus with his handlebar ears sticking out and his nose pressed up against the fly screen. Rocky was nowhere to be seen but on closer inspection, I spotted him on the grass wagging his tail with his head down focusing on something on the grass. What on earth had happened? – I hadn’t seen him look so happy since the possum incident but the least said about that the better.
Going out to check on the dogs, I saw white stuffing – everywhere, and by white I mean that white fluffy stuff that is used to stuff mattresses and toys.
‘What the hell?’ I said in disbelief and wondered where it could have possibly come from. I checked Rocky’s mattress which was still in tact and in his kennel and that was there.
Abdel followed me out and said ‘what on earth is that?’
None of us knew so we asked Brutus.
‘Brutus – what is this?’ I demanded, the little brown dog put his head down and said ‘I don’t know’, then he looked up at me and said ‘What are your thoughts?’
Then I saw Rocky with white foam all over his mouth and he was standing by the orange canvas bone which I might add was one of his favorite toys that he had owned since a puppy. I knew he would not have instigated its destruction but once the foam was released, he would have positively relished in it. Just ask Rocky what he and Winston the kelpie did to Winston’s bed over Christmas.
‘Rocky, what have you done?’ I yelled – the black kelpie dog looked at me with the white fluff stuck to his teeth/chin/mouth and pulled a non committal type expression.
‘You’ve been a naughty bastard!’ Gordon yelled from the laundry room window. Brutus sniggered as he loved it when Gordon swore in his ginger voice.
‘Don’t ask me, I know nothing. Those bastard German Shepherd dogs broke into the garden, tied us up with gaffer tape and then spread this white shit around the garden and smeared it on our mouths so we would get the blame’ Rocky launched into an almost hysterical fever pitch explanation of the pretend German Shepherds that are responsible for canine naughtiness all over the world and blame ordinary household pets for bad stuff that their owners discover.
‘Rocky I know that you are lying now step away from that mess because I have to clean it up and at 10.30pm at night, I could do without it’ I sighed and then set about picking up copious amounts of white fluff from a fake lawn and I stress the words ‘fake lawn’ because try picking up white fluff from it, it’s bloody hard and akin to picking up diarrhoea.
‘Yippee! snow!, it’s snowing!’ Brutus squeaked and then set about jumping as though he had springs in his hind legs, and then started to try and run off with bits of fluff in his mouth whilst yelling ‘You were right Rocky, this is such fun!’
‘Bloody dobbing bastard!’ Rocky hissed to Brutus and vowed to bash him later.
It took a while to pick up the mess and the garden still looks like a war zone with the chewed camp bed and the stone collection by the door but hey ho, the puppy years don’t last forever do they? Although Rocky said that his have come back since the arrival of Brutus but I am hoping he is joking on that score.
I put Brutus to bed with his supper and tucked him in to his crate, made sure Rocky was on his mattress and turned out the lights. As I walked off I could hear Brutus talking to Rocky.
‘Rocky’ Brutus tried to whisper but not very successfully.
‘Piss off, you dobbed me in and that is the cardinal Kelpie Tenth Commandment – thou shalt not dob in another dog for doing damage’ Rocky said sounding annoyed.
‘But Rocky…..’Brutus asked again.
Sighing, Rocky snapped ‘What!’
Brutus pressed his head against the crate and gazed at the little kelpie curled up on his cushion, he could just see Rocky’s huge ears making a shadow on the wall.
‘Tell me about the time you ripped the mattress up’ Brutus said excitedly – he loved a bedtime story.
Rocky rolled over to be closer to Brutus’s crate and took a deep breath ‘Alright then’ He replied.
And I could barely hear after that but I could just make out Rocky saying ‘Once upon a time, I had this mattress…..’
But before he could finish his story, you could just hear some gentle puppy snores coming from the crate. Brutus was fast asleep next to his stuffed elephant.
Rocky gazed at Brutus sleeping and looked at him kindly ‘Another time lad, another time’
And that was all I heard.
Happy Friday everyone.
Samantha Rose (C) Copyright 2013