Well actually I don’t, in fact the night before I have my injection I normally have pretty vivid nightmares that normally involve large needles and bottles of nasty yellow looking stuff and sharps bins, not to mention exceptionally vivid memories from the previous week of the tiredness/exhaustion and inexplicable symptoms that one gets after injection oneself with Methotrexate.
It isn’t even as though it hurts, it isn’t even as though you feel it go in or that it takes a whole day, it is the fact that you know how you will feel afterwards and some of the symptoms cannot be explained and only someone that has taken it themselves will be able to understand.
However it really is a rather marvelous drug and has given me my life back in so many ways and if the price to pay is feeling shitty the day after injecting, in order to be relatively pain free and have lots of saliva then hey, I can afford to lose a day.
I don’t know about any of you Sjogrens sufferers but for me a good day is having a lot of saliva, saying that I never seem to have a lot by Friday morning for some weird reason and then by Sunday I could dribble for Australia! But those of you that have heaps of saliva will never know how important it is and what it means to those of us with AI diseases that have our salivary flow compromised.
Each time I have a dry mouth, I can envisage the enamel on my teeth waving me to say goodbye because anyone that has lost enamel on their teeth will back me up in saying how ‘hollow’ your teeth feel and although on the surface look OK, it is like an empty shell and each day of having a dry mouth brings tooth decay and loss even closer. I have the dentist this Monday for my 4 monthly ‘Sjogrens’ type dental check so fingers crossed there are no hidden cavities for I don’t think I can afford fillings/root canals.
So forgive me for my excitement when I have saliva courtesy of the steroids, the methotrexate and the plaquenil, because I do get absurdly excited.
‘Do you know how toxic those drugs are and have you thought about alternative remedies to boost the immune system?’ I have had said to me on so many occasions.
In short of it, yes I know EXACTLY how toxic these medicines are, but what I also know is that they help me hugely and no, I do not want my immune system boosting in any shape or form and if alternative remedies ‘boost my immune system’ then you can keep them thank you.
Anyway, it is ‘M Day’ – injection day for me and the first time I will be giving it to myself without anyone watching/supervising me and no doubt I shall draw the yellow stuff up with a sweaty and shaking hand, knowing full well it wont hurt, knowing full well I will be exhausted and feel ‘crappola’ tomorrow and also knowing that by Sunday will be my day of staring to feel ‘normal’ and then Monday becomes ‘Folic Acid Day’. (you see I have a day for everything!)
So for all of you that take your Methotrexate today, I raise my syringe to you whilst we push aside our worries and revel in the benefits of this somewhat toxic yet fabulous drug!